Farther & farther distant... That's what's happening. me & everything that zombies consider real... just images, not life. Soon I will be at peace I hope..
Burn --> ♫ "with all yer life fucked up around you". ♫ I get more depressed with each day... more shit.... & I CAN'T EVER STOP IT!!!! [illegible scrawl]

Some god i am... All people i ever might have loved have abandoned me, my parents piss me off & hate me... want me to have fuckin ambition!! How can i when i get screwed & destroyed By everything??!!!! I have no money, no happiness, no friends... Eric will be getting farther away soon... I'll have less than nothing... how normal. I wanted to love... i wanted to be happy and ambitious and free & nice & good & ignorant.... everyone abandoned me.... i have small stupid pleasures,... my so called hobbies & doings.... those are all thats left for me. < clinging onto the smallest rocks... many people climbing up a never-ending vertical cliff.... & found a plateau to exist on....they walked up me to get to it. Nobody will help me... only exist w. me if it suits them. i helped, why cant they? will get me a gun, ill go on my killing spree against anyone I want. more crazy...deeper in the spiral, lost highway repeating, dwelling on the beautiful past, ( & gettin drunk) w. me, everyone moves up i always stayed. Abandonment. this room sux. wanna die.

everything is as least expected. The meak are trampled on, the assholes prevail, the gods are decieving, lost in my little insane asylum w. the outhouse redneck music playing... wanna die & be free w. my love... if she even exists. She probably hates me... finds a [illegible] or a jock who treats her like shit. I remember details... nothing worth remembering i remember. I don't know my love: could be , or , or , or , or anyone. I don't know & im sick of not KNOWING!! to be kept in the dark is a punishment!!!
I have lost my emotions... like in hurt the song. NIN. People eventually find happiness. i never will. Does that make me a non-human? YES. the god of sadness... church was so fun.... the rec thing w. marc...